colour me beautiful

saturday in seoul was a wonderful reunion date with kayla. we saw a show at seoul fashion week and spent the rest of the day wandering about apgujeong. this area is most like bloor street of toronto but crammed less with starbucks and more with spacious, less corporate coppee shops.

highlights of the day include:

- going to daily projects and falling in love with the space and and layout all over again. they have a great mens selection and some very deluxe waffles at their coffee shop

- commenting loudly "i wish i had legs like him," and having that him turn around and stare with an 'i understand english' glint in his eye, who then proceeded to head into daily projects as well( ooops).

- meeting a new friend and having to 'defriend' her. oh indeed there is something about MARY

- discovering a secret unmarked wine spot in a crack alley (yellow door and last photo) which we shall investigate further next time

eau de toilette: dos and don'ts

DO
brand your tp just in case you're on the phone and on the toilet and need to tell someone what coppee shop you're at (@ cafe paper garden in apgujeong, by the way)
DO
multi task, confess your love + tinkle at the same time





DON'T
expect sinks to unclog themselves and club goers to wash their hands sans water
DON'T
expect beer bile to dissolve in a sink full of ice. scienceee don't work that way



@ seoul 'megaclub' CIRCLE which just reopened after some remodeling. the main floor was converted to some kind of bmw sponsored event with a giant car parked awkwardly near the entrance. but by 3am when we arrived the party was mostly happening in their underground also known as their parking lot sectioned off with white milk carts. the underground itself had a good guerilla pop up venue look to it, but the music and people could have been substituted.

streetwalker

bernhard willhelm do you hate women?
why did you disguise the most uncomfortable shoe with an such an ortho friendly exterior?

the blisters on my heels are currently burning like a urinary tract infection. they are throbbing with pain like someone peeled back a layer of skin just to see what my flesh looks like. this is the aftermath of wearing innocent looking wedges for less than 5 hours.
like a pimp i prostituted my own feet out for a good night of fun and now my poor feet for hire are now suffering the consequences of a barbaric union between themselves and an unruly 'client'. this is not my first encounter with painful footwear, in fact i would consider myself a veteran, a seasoned madame of pain for gain. four inch heels shopping? check. hobbling along in stilettos at 6 am? check. but this is the first time i've suffered such stinging side affects from wearing two inch orthopedic looking shoes ( albeit THE cutest two inch ortho shoes one ever did see).

they looked so innocent sitting quietly at daily projects i just couldn't resist. especially since i saw them featured in issue 10 of dazedkorea AND they were 70% off {which still made them barely affordable}

but upon bringing them home, they showed their true colours. and like a true pimp all i could do was watch helplessly as these shoes beat the shit of out my feet. what can i do? they are already bought and paid for.

thom browne-pint sized

clearly i need to step up my game
-tot with the patent velcro sneakers, it ain't over.
.

round robin

p.y.t. month officially drew to an end last weekend. thanks to special guests stu & jummy choo for helping me celebrate my last weekend of wholesome countryside livin' with norabong and soju cocktails. {note} stumbling out of norabong at 4am in pyeongtaek is quite a bit different then doing so in seoul...
-back to seoul this weekend:)

when a stranger calls

"ajoshi...is that you?"

"friend.. misiwer.....i am...jk2edgsdfs...what?"

sunday night i got into bed around 12am but i couldn't fall sleep. i kept hearing this faint inhaling and exhaling sound. at first i thought i was hallucinating but i then i sat up, turned on my lights and waited.

i heard it again. almost like the intimate sound of a small pet breathing in and out. well i don't have a pet. and my neighbours don't have a pet.

a long time ago i read in a news article how a japanese bachelor discovered an old woman was living in his closet for six months and eating from his fridge when he was at work. she was a homeless woman who sneaked into his apartment when he forgot to lock it one day.

my closet is in my spare room. so i got up turned on all my lights and basically busted into my closet S.W.A.T. style.

yeah nothing. BUT the sound was much clearer from my spare room which is facing the outside hallway. it sounded suspiciously like snoring...

there's a tiny window with metal bars in that spare room so you can see into the hallway so i slid that open to get a better listen.

i was met with the sound of a deep drunken gurgle. the soundtrack of a man completely passed out, unaware that he was probably lying on the floor. from the clarity of his snore i gathered he was a mere 5 feet from my apartment entrance, therefore probably camped out infront of the elevator. i have a inkling tis the same ajoshi that seneraded me months ago with his drunken yelling.

apart of me wanted to open my door JUST to take a peek at this creature of the night but the sane part of me crawled back into bed with my pillow over my ears.

but i am not done. i finally fell asleep an hour later only to be jolted awake by the shrill tinkle of my cellphone ring. as its beside my pillow i answered it. at first all i could hear was loud wailing korean music. then a deep korean voice started babbling.

what's a sunday night without a bootycall around 1:30am? a bootycall in korean not meant for you that is. i yelled some english back and hung up. he proceeded to call back and spew out some random english words, "friend.. misiwer.....i am...jk2edgsdfs?"
needless to say i didn't leave the conscious world till after 2am.

isn't the lord's day suppose to be peaceful and restful?

why you gotz 2be crampin' my stylez?

i've never really enjoyed the term 'work casual' or any type of dress code for that matter. i don't consider myself a rebel, i just like to wear what i like to wear.

for instance in middle school i liked to wear silver lipstick, silver eyeshadow and shiny tops made from spandex. i liked to wear this because it showed my all encompassing dedication to my music idols of the time: orgy. i never technically got into trouble but many warnings were issued from my grade seven teacher who was also a closet gay. i think he was just jealous that i could dress like a tranny at school and he couldn't.

in high school no one cared about what i wore because how could fishnets and purple lipstick compare to plastic wings, tri-coloured hair and beads the size of baseballs (aka the era of the raver')?

but at my many call centre summer jobs, also known as the birth place of 'work casual', my laissez-faire attitude towards dress code was often scrutinized.

the supervisors never quite knew what to say about my one sleeved asymmetrical tops...was it technically a shirt or did it qualify as a tank top? was i wearing a dress or a two-tiered garbage bag? I was never trying to be scandalous, i just never saw the appeal of wearing ill fitted khakis and wrinkled button down shirts.

even at an internship for flare magazine during second year of uni i couldn't seem to fit into 'fashionable work casual'. my final evaluation sheet read:
adhere to dress code: 2/5
admittedly i was quite naughty that summer. i basically partied every night then stumbled to work looking and smelling like vodka crans. i worried less about dress code and focused on getting dressed at all. i started with blazers and high waisted skirts and somehow ended up wearing mu mus and flats. one editor even openly made fun of me for my belt over dress default look. sorry nicole, not everyone likes to wear flared bootcut jeans and miumiu slip-ons.

anyway, till this day the term "work casual" still haunts me, now disguised as 'teacher appropriate attire'. when i first arrived in korea, i was worried that i would be forced to bust out my single pair of dress pants at school but luckily dress code is pretty casual so i've settled into a daily uniform of leggings, man shirts and unkempt hair. i've heard a few naysayers whisper about my lack of pants and make up (through translation), but that's all behind closed cubicles in the teachers office.

the big bomb hit a few months ago when i decided to wear actual pants to school. granted they were navy jersey harem-like low crotch pants but pants nevertheless.
apparently not. within the first hour of school the vice principal strolled up to me and stated,
"these pants...no. teacher no wear."
alrighty. delegated to weekend wear then. i was only a bit upset, after all the pants didn't look quite that good paired with socks and indoor slippers anyway so i went back to my leggings. all was fine till yesterday.

i showed up to school with bright neon pink nails because i was bored and they made my normally stumpy hands into ELECTRIFYING STUMPS. but by lunch, my vice principal had walked up to me in the cafeteria,
"Reeeiichal. This nail colour. not. for school. ok."

I kind of grumbled an agreement. i guess they were a tad distracting. blinding even. but then i panicked,what does he mean? he can't expect me to swath my nails in clear/lighteh pink tones can he? and when summer rolls around can i wear shorts? onesies? how about a khaki button down onesie? pinstripe mumu? silk bloomers?

i'm not trying to stir up trouble here, i just don't believe i should have to conform to standard work wear- read: nylon stretch dress pants and cowl neck sweaters in canada, delicate silky blouses and wool skirts in korea. i don't work in a giant highrise with stockbrokers so why must i shed my youthful exuberance and grubbiness?

i'm not offending anyone, so why can't the world just let me live! let me frolic in layers of leather, cotton, and leather coated cotton! let me celebrate my distaste for sweater sets and flared anything! the world is big enough for all of us! we can coexist in harmony!

*sigh. i just looked down at the keyboard and spotted my naked nails stripped away of their ELECTRIFYING glory. they can take away my favourite nail polish but they can't ever take away my spirit! or crotch pants!!!(i hid them).



'these pants SCREAM authoritative foreign-english teacher!!'

PS: IF my school happened to get a scrawny white dude with full tattoo sleeves instead of me would they force him to wear long sleeved shirts all the time? what if they got an african american girl teacher who had a dragon tattoo on her neck...would she have to wear a scarf? am i being treated unfairly because i LOOK korean thus being denied the cultural slack given to other FOREIGN looking foreign teachers?? why doesn't the foreign card resonate with me? :-(

workaholic

this is my weekly schedule. seriously. the public school system is working me like a slave. less than 2 hours of class per day. that means i only have six hours of free time at school. its inhuman is what it is.

wee what?

clearly im not doing my job very well.

sitting pretty

it's quite common for restaurants to be set in traditional korean style which means sitting on a heated floor cross legged around a low table. although i completely respect this manner of seating, i usually spend most of the meal rotating my legs so that only one falls asleep at a time.
for my co-teacher's going away lunch we went to a traditional style korean restaurant that had the perfect solution. while the chairs and table looked like the traditional low to floor setting...


in actuality you're sitting in a hollowed out western style table that is below ground on half chairs. so, you maintain the traditional aesthetic but your feet can comfortably dangle underneath! in order to sit down, you literally have to climb down to your seat. and when servers come in they are standing at your sitting level thus creating the illusion that the restaurant goer is kneeling.

recession living

friday-
peruse the open market outside my apartment. buy many fried goods from local merchants
saturday-
sleep. perhaps visit a coppee shop like dazzling to study some korean. perhaps eat dinner at kind korean friend's house and entertain her two kids.
sunday-
consume hybrid italian food with kind korean teachers at a most tinsel overloaded restaurant in the hills.

that's right: hotel prada

and that's how it's done! diva on a dime (and the hospitality of others...)

mother hen (2)

mother hen doesn't have enough love to spread to the new 7th graders. there are five full classes of them and they have swarmed yangjin middle school like angry little hornets. i was warned of this batch of bloody suckers but i tried not to judge.

well it's second lesson with class 1 today and i've already uttered 'you fucking little twat' under my breath. they just don't listen, at all. some of them can barely read and they bang and clank like uncontrollable chimpanzees. and when i glare at this particularily annoying gaggle of girls, they literally laugh in my face.

this is why i don't like children. especially these children. i am repelled by them like one is repelled by a rotten stench. go away. go find a dumpster and dispose of yourself please.

luckily i can bask in the solace of my 8th graders till wednesday afternoon. no matter how rowdy they get, they are my kids, and you can't hate your own. also through tough love, pinches and creepy smiles i've been able to tame almost all the troublemakers to a manageable level.

but these 7th grade monsters. there is no love. i can muster some sympathy for the good students who are trying to listen and learn but they are too greatly overshadowed by the incompotent loudmouths who each have 2 cashews for brains.

this is most ungenerous and unteacher-like of me. and perhaps post menstrual cycle and a piece of chocolate i will retract theses sentiments. only time will tell.

and i don't have photos. they don't DESERVE photos.

sorry to bother you

are you busy?
can you spare a moment...
take a stroll down memory lane with me?
i need some emotional support
perhaps hold my hand, pat my back and bring some kleenex
i'll need someone to wipe the drool dribbling down my chin when i start thinking of all that was....









my heart aches like a deep cavity when i see in my mind's eye the greasy glint of those perfectly formed cinnamon lips...my hand shudders uncontrollably at the mere memory of scooping up handfuls of tiny sticky craisins... my head thumps with the anticipation of one day running freely through the aisles of bulkbarn with nothing but a metal scoop and a roll of plastic bags...

there are no words to quite describe the sensation of chewing tender, indiglo strands of squishy sour worms nor songs capable of expressing the sheer euphoria of chomping on sodium speckled ketchup chips. and the rich aroma of cheese and salsa clog my nostrils much like clumps of my hair clog up my drain...

oh cruel world how you taunt me! i am nothing but a bored english teacher sitting in an empty classroom in the buckfuck nowhere of korea yearning for better days. no i don't want stale corn chips topped with plastic cheese! no, squid flavoured crackers don't cut it! and no i don't have a seoul costco membership! woe is me....

-oh do you have to go now? ok. well thanks for the kleenex...can i keep the box?

timberlake tries on an alias

"OK EVERYONE CHOOSE AN ENG-GA-LISH NAME. PLEASE WRITE DOWN YOUR EN-G-lish NAME."

"timberlake, you can't be JESUS."
"yes it's a name but it's inappropriate, it's not a goo-"

" -NO you can't be GOD. or QUEEN. yes your friends can be harry and potter..."

"you know what. your name is timberlake. you don't need a new name, i can't call you anything else. you're timberlake forever ok?"

"be quiet timerlake. i'm going to make you sing an english song infront of the class."

"why did you name your friemd dem?"

"seriously. be quiet timberlake. stop being annoying."

"that's it! next class YOU, IN FRONT, beside ALL girls. shut up."

manic monday

please listen to this whilst reading the below paragraph

i've got class in fifty minutes and no lesson plan yet but this is imperative. imperative for me to continue procrastinating.

so yesterday was a pretty slow day at school. first day of the new semester which meant me decomposing in the teacher lounge for oh, seven hours excluding lunch. everyone else was running around with purpose but i just lounged around, practiced how to count money in korean, picked at my cuticles...drank 3 cups of instant sugar copee.


somehow though all the action that was missing in the daytime was crammed into my evening. right at 4:30pm i ran out of school to catch a bus into seoul for my first korean class at seoul national university. i had two hours travel time and still managed to be a little late. in the time span between 7-11:30pm i managed to:

a) converse in mandarin with two caucasian folk. one was a brit teaching chinese in korea..wha!!?? awesome,
b) switch classes. jumped from ajumma prof to a pretty young prof who spoke only in korean because i think she can ONLY speak in korean...
c) split the crotch of my leggings which forced me to basically walk around in the subway like i had crabs or had a bladder infection,
d) utilise the washroom 4 times in three hours
e) miss the last bus home and took a different bus to a city nearby
f) miscalculate the stops and got off at the wrong stop, but luckily there was a sweet young man with a nice pointy nose who helped me hail a cab
g) still get home at 11:30pm
h) still went to bed at 1:30pm

...just another manic mooooondaaaaaaay

eau de toilette (3): not for the faint of heart

gross i know. this is why i REFUSE to conform to asian washroom practices. i will continue to flush my toilet paper down the toilet into oblivion. i will not allow my soiled items to further contribute to this mess of overflowing nastiness. this is IN the stall by the way, a mere 50 cm from the actual toilet and at quite a cute copee shop, not at a dank musty bar. it is both repulsive and frighteningly unhygienic!!

*next eau de toilette post will resume documenting pretty washroom decor.

p.y.t.(2)

this weekend was jeeeeeeeeena's turn to explore p.y.t with me.
we window shopped, had lunch, enjoyed fried potato on a stick and a nice cuppa copee at teashop. located on one of the many intersecting streets of pyt, teashop looks like it was lifted from hongdae. filled with knickknacks from london and paris and decorated with tiny plants and vintage signs it was a cosy hub for chats and doodling. we also noticed that during our day in town, we saw the same few people also milling around. there was the mother-daughter duo with the daughter limping painfully from cheap high heels (tsk tsk), the quartet of nearly identical geeky policemen patrolling back and forth, and dozens of tweens flirting and fighting on the street. another weekend well spent! <3